Is your heart breaking? Are you perhaps so angry you don’t know how to move on? You can recover from loss and heartache.
It hurts. And then, it doesn’t.
Loss of a primary relationship is painful, and you may experience many emotions on your way to recovery. The good news is that with time and attention, you will heal.
We grow from these painful experiences. It is possible to heal completely and create a well-balanced life filled with love and optimism for your future. Right now, you are walking through the fire. It may be helpful to have a therapist to walk by your side for a while.
When we experience a loss like this, we can allow our hearts to open to the opportunity to learn and grow. But for a time, the work is in just putting one foot in front of the other. You may feel numb, or in a constant state of fight-flight-freeze. Please don’t despair, and remember that this is a journey. You will get to the other side, and feel stronger for it!
You may wonder how you can get over your divorce quickly. Well, it will take as long as it takes. As the saying goes, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. But you want to build your future on a solid foundation. So rather than being in a rush to heal, it might be better to be on a path of self-discovery and personal growth.
You will move through the stages of grief, not in a linear way but more fluid, back-and-forth, until you are at peace. Those stages are just like the stages of grief over any loss: You will probably begin in a state of shock. For me, I was literally shaking in shock. Then, typically we experience a circuit of denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and maybe guilt. Finally, we enter the state of grace, and acceptance.
Sadly, some people never get over their divorce, carrying resentment and anger like a badge of honor, or armor. This prevents them from fully embracing life as it unfolds. I hope this will not be the path for you. In order to heal, it is important to take stock of what went wrong, and how we have gained and grown from the experience. Can you imagine being at peace with your ex, knowing that you are better off separate, yet sending them grace and wishes for the best? This is a mature and healthy stance, and one that you can, indeed, achieve.
I help clients through breakups and divorce recovery using a variety of effective and gentle tools, such as consciousness work, energy psychology, and learning to think of things in a more helpful way. No emotion is wrong or bad. No story is 100% true. Learning to live in the middle ground, beyond ideas of right and wrong, allows for the greatest resilience, flexibility, and healing.
The need is so great, and the pain is so real, that I created an on-line course on Udemy to help heal from a breakup. It uses guided meditations, energy psychology, and journaling. Interested? The link is here.
If you would like me to help you get over your ex and get on with your life, contact me.