What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone With Cancer
Someone you love just told you they have cancer. You want to say the right thing, but every sentence that comes to mind sounds wrong the moment you think it. This is one of the most common places people freeze — not from lack of caring, but from too much of it.
When I was young, I learned that a friend’s dad had died. I didn’t know how to respond, so I froze, and didn’t respond at all. I’ve spent my life redeeming that mistake — learning how to be there during hard times, and sharing what I’ve learned with others.
Here’s what my clients tell me actually helps — and what tends to land poorly, even when you mean well.
What Not to Say
“If I were you, I would ___.”
They’ll likely think, but you’re not me…. Advice framed this way skips past their reality entirely.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
This can feel like it erases the person’s pain in service of a bigger picture they didn’t ask for. Even if you believe it, now usually isn’t the moment to offer it.
“You’re so strong, you’ll beat this.”
It’s meant as encouragement, but it can quietly imply that if things go badly, it’s because they weren’t strong enough. It also skips past whatever they’re actually feeling today — and honestly, they’re often tired of being strong, and just want to be human.
“My [relative/friend] had that and they’re fine now” — or worse, didn’t survive.
Every cancer, every body, every treatment path is different. Comparisons rarely comfort; they mostly reroute the conversation toward your story instead of theirs.
“Let me know if you need anything.”
Kind, but it puts the labor of asking on them — and most people won’t. Don’t be held back by a fear of imposing. It’s easier for someone to decline a specific offer than to make a request. This is especially true when that someone is overwhelmed; is used to being the one who gives, not the one who receives; and is exhausted.
“Have you tried ___ (supplement, diet, etc.)?”
Well-meaning people offer all kinds of advice, but cancer patients are already overwhelmed and have their plates full. One more choice, one more option, isn’t helpful — especially once they’re following their doctor’s plan.
“Let me tell you about my [arthritis, IBS, etc.].”
Unless they ask and genuinely want to hear it, other ailments just don’t carry the same weight when someone is carrying this one.
What Helps Instead
“I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
Naming the awkwardness out loud often relieves it for both of you — honesty is easier to receive than a performance of having the right words.
Make offers specific.
“I’d like to bring dinner Thursday, does 6pm work?” or “I’ll drive you to your appointment Tuesday” — people accept concrete offers far more often than open-ended ones.
Just listen.
You don’t need to fix, reframe, or find the silver lining. Sitting with someone in something hard, without trying to make it smaller, is its own form of care.
Treat them like the person they’ve always been.
Many clients say they want to talk about something besides the cancer. A plain “how are you” — without the gloom-and-doom voice — is fine, as long as you genuinely want to know. Then ask about, and share, the things you always used to.
Follow their lead on hope and honesty.
Some people want to talk openly about prognosis and fear. Others want to focus on the day in front of them. Listen for which one they’re reaching for, and meet them there rather than steering. Some of my clients say that everyone around them wants to “be positive” and sometimes that’s not real. Others want to keep upbeat. Let them take the lead.
Remember the small, ordinary days — not just the big scary ones.
A card on a random Tuesday, a text with no agenda, a “thinking of you” that isn’t tied to a scan result — these often mean more than the big gestures around diagnosis. One support group member said a friend has sent her a card every month since her MBC diagnosis, and it means the world to her.
Keep showing up after the initial shock wears off.
Support often floods in during the first weeks and thins out during the long middle of treatment — which is often when it’s needed most. This is a pattern I hear about all the time. People may look fine on the outside, but a cancer battle — whether it’s in the past or ongoing — takes an emotional toll. Be there.
Other considerations
Check in on the person supporting them, too.
Spouses, adult children, and caregivers are often stretched thin and rarely asked how they’re doing. A separate check-in for them goes a long way. Caregivers are in crisis, too. The husbands in some Unite for HER conversations often used to say “I wish it were me instead of her”; being helpless is its own kind of hell.
A Final Thought
There’s no perfect script here. What matters most isn’t finding flawless words — it’s staying present, following their lead, and letting them know they don’t have to carry this alone.
If you or someone you love is navigating a cancer diagnosis, chronic illness, or the identity shifts that come with it, therapy can offer a steady place to process what’s changing. If you’d like to learn more, schedule a consultation.
When your mind starts racing: Six anxiety relief tips
For people living with anxiety, the battle extends beyond upsetting thoughts and feelings. It often includes physical symptoms as well. Often, this ongoing struggle can have a ripple effect—the anxiety, overwhelm, or sense of helplessness invade every part of life. And working with the anxious thoughts themselves can backfire. Fortunately, there are other ways to bring calm to your overcharged system. Grounding, mindfulness, and body-based tools can be an anxious persons’ best friend. Here are some of my favorites:
Slow your breath
When you slow down your rate of breathing, everything else slows down as well.
This is because your breath is the one part of your nervous system you can steer directly. When I was a child, I used to get mad when people told me to count to 10. Today, I know that there is wisdom to that age-old advice. And it’s not just about counting to 10. It’s about breathing slowly, with a longer exhale than inhale.
Try it:
Inhale for 4.
Exhale for 6.
Repeat for a few rounds, and see how you feel. That extended exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system — the “rest and settle” part — and sends a message: we’re safe here. Practice when you’re calm, so the pattern is familiar when you actually need it. A minute or two, once a day, is plenty.
Slow your movements
Move slowly. Your mind can’t race when your body is relaxed. When thoughts are sprinting, we usually start to move faster, breathe faster, scroll faster. But the nervous system takes its cues from the body. Move slowly, on purpose, and the mind eventually falls into step. This doesn’t mean a workout. It means walking slowly, doing some gentle stretches, and a few mindful yoga postures. Even slowly sweeping the broom can help harness the mind-body connection to restore a state of calm. You’re telling your body: we’re not being chased. We can take our time.
Next time the spiral starts, try changing your speed before you try changing your thoughts.
Write it down
Racing thoughts spin around, over and over, like a not-very-merry-go-round.
But writing breaks the loop — it forces your thoughts to slow down to the speed of your hand. It puts things in order, and has an end point. And once it’s on the page, your brain can finally stop rehearsing it. And it’s just for you. Nobody else to read it, judge it, grade it. You don’t need a pretty notebook (but you can use one if you want!). You don’t even have to write full sentences. But after the initial brain dump, the thoughts will start to organize themselves, and your body and mind will recognize that this merry-go-round doesn’t go on forever. There is a beginning, middle, and end – and then you can put your pencil down, and relax. If you don’t know where to start, try finishing this sentence: “Right now, the thing going around in my head is…”
Listen to Happy Music
This might be the easiest — and most underrated — and most enjoyable — tool in the kit.
It’s genuinely hard to spiral to a song that makes you smile. Music reaches the nervous system faster than logic does — rhythm, melody, and memory all working on you before your thinking brain has a chance to object. While arguing with anxious thoughts is useless, three minutes of the right song can shift the whole room. When I was in graduate school, some of my classmates were studying music therapy and they told the rest of us a little about the research. And you can make a study of it yourself: Build a small playlist now, while you’re calm. Choose those songs you can’t help singing along to, or dancing to, or that make you smile. Then, when the thoughts start racing, don’t think — just press play.
Distraction.
Yes, it’s allowed. It’s not avoiding, it’s pacing.
When you are doing it with intention, and will come back to problem-solving when you are calm, that’s not “avoidance”. It’s coping. Somewhere along the way, distraction got a bad reputation — like every hard feeling must be faced head-on, immediately, and steeped in. Here’s the more honest truth: distraction *on purpose* is a legitimate, effective, natural coping skill. It’s a pause button, not an escape hatch. Sometimes the most skillful thing you can do mid-spiral is step away — watch the show, call the friend, do the puzzle — and come back to the problem when your nervous system is steadier. The difference between healthy distraction and avoidance is simple: do you come back? If the answer is yes, you’re not avoiding. You’re pacing yourself.
Mindfulness.
Don’t let all your thoughts take you for a ride.
Think of your thoughts as trains pulling into a station. Anxiety wants you on board every single one — riding the worry all the way to its worst-case destination. Mindfulness is standing on the platform instead, naming the thoughts instead of taking a ride: Worry. Failure. Not enough. Too much. You watch the train arrive. You name it…and you let it pass. The thoughts still come. The practice isn’t stopping the trains. It’s remembering you have a choice about which ones you ride — a choice that sometimes you have the capacity to make. And if you went for a ride, it’s ok. More trains are coming. You’ll have the chance to practice.
You don’t need all of these. Just one or two that you actually use — practical, not aspirational — that can make all the difference. Practice them when you’re calm so you’ll have access to them when you aren’t — that’s the trick. So pick your one or two, and make them a habit. Keep them close on the easy days, and reach for them on the hard ones.
And if the spirals feel bigger than these tools — that’s not a failure either. That’s just a sign you deserve more support than an Instagram post can offer. That’s what therapy is for.
Mind–Body Support in Cancer Care: What the Research Says About Hypnosis
When you’re facing cancer treatment, the focus is understandably on medical care. Surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and immunotherapy dominate the plan. At the same time, many people quietly wonder:
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How do I manage this anxiety?
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Why is my pain worse when I’m stressed?
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Is there anything that can help me feel steadier in my body?
This is where mind–body approaches come in.
One of the most studied of these approaches is clinical hypnosis.
What Is Clinical Hypnosis?
Clinical hypnosis is not stage hypnosis. It’s not mind control, and it’s not about being unconscious. Rather, it is a focused, relaxed state of attention that allows therapeutic suggestions and imagery to be integrated more deeply. In this state, the nervous system often shifts out of fight-or-flight and into a calmer, more regulated mode.
As a result, hypnosis can have meaningful effects on:
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Anxiety
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Pain perception
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Anticipatory nausea
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Procedural distress
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Sleep disruption
In oncology settings, hypnosis has been studied for decades as a complementary intervention.
What Does the Research Show?
Research has consistently found that hypnosis can help reduce:
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Pain during medical procedures
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Distress before surgery
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Chemotherapy-related nausea
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Anxiety associated with treatment
Several randomized controlled trials demonstrate reduced pain and emotional distress in patients who received hypnosis prior to procedures.
Earlier studies also explored possible effects on survival time. While some early findings suggested differences, later research produced mixed results. Nonetheless, what remains consistently supported is improvement in quality of life, coping, and emotional regulation. And quality of life matters.
Why the Nervous System Matters
Cancer treatment places enormous strain on the nervous system. Chronic stress activates inflammatory pathways and heightens pain sensitivity. When the body is in prolonged fight-or-flight, everything feels harder.
Mind–body interventions — including hypnosis, guided imagery, mindfulness, and breathwork — help regulate the nervous system.
When regulation improves:
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Pain often becomes more manageable
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Sleep can improve
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Emotional overwhelm decreases
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Decision-making becomes clearer
These shifts do not replace medical treatment. Instead, they support your capacity to move through it.
Hypnosis as One Tool Among Many
Hypnosis is one evidence-based mind–body approach among several. Depending on the individual, other approaches may be equally or more helpful, including:
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Trauma-informed therapy
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Mindfulness-based stress reduction
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Compassion-focused practices
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Nervous system regulation work
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Guided imagery
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Cognitive-behavioral coping skills
The goal is not to “think your way out of cancer.”
Rather, it is to help your body and mind work together during an extraordinarily demanding time.
Emotional Safety Comes First
It’s important to say this clearly:
There is no credible evidence that fear, anxiety, or distress makes cancer worse.
However, suppressing emotion can increase physiological stress. Research across trauma studies shows that processing emotions — rather than avoiding them — supports psychological and physical resilience.
You do not need to be relentlessly positive.
You do not need to monitor every thought.
You do not need to fear your fear.
Instead, you need support.
A Balanced Perspective
Mind–body approaches are not magical cures. Instead, they are regulatory tools. They help reduce suffering, restore a sense of agency, and support nervous system balance.
For many people, that shift makes treatment more tolerable and life during treatment more livable.
If you’re exploring ways to support yourself emotionally during cancer care, mind–body work may be worth considering as part of a broader, trauma-informed approach.
Fear, Cancer, and the Law of Attraction
Fear after a breast cancer diagnosis is completely normal. In fact, for most women, it is immediate and intense. However, many worry that feeling afraid could somehow make their illness worse. That fear of fear can become overwhelming.
Let’s slow this down.
A cancer diagnosis is frightening. Your body, your future, and your sense of control may all feel shaken. Naturally, fear follows. Yet some women have heard messages suggesting that negative thoughts or emotions can affect physical outcomes. As a result, they begin to monitor every feeling.
When Fear After a Breast Cancer Diagnosis Becomes Layered
First, there is fear about the diagnosis itself.
Then, there is fear about treatment.
After that, another worry appears: If I feel afraid, am I harming myself?
Consequently, emotions get pushed down. Women try to “stay positive.” They try not to cry. They try not to think the “wrong” thoughts.
Unfortunately, suppressed fear does not disappear. Instead, it tends to grow in silence. Over time, this creates tension, exhaustion, and sometimes shame.
Does Fear Make Cancer Worse?
There is no credible evidence that simply feeling fear makes cancer grow. Emotions are not that powerful in a direct, magical sense.
However, research does show something important: unprocessed trauma and chronic emotional suppression can affect overall wellbeing. In other words, avoiding fear may be harder on the body than feeling it.
Psychiatrist David Spiegel, M.D., whose research has focused on women with advanced breast cancer, has emphasized that people cope better when they face traumatic stress rather than avoid it. Therefore, allowing emotions to surface is often healthier than suppressing them.
Why Processing Fear Matters
Emotions are not good or bad. Instead, they are signals. They tell us something significant is happening.
Suppressing fear takes enormous energy. Furthermore, it disconnects us from ourselves. We cannot process what we refuse to acknowledge.
Sometimes a small shift in language helps. Instead of saying, “I am afraid,” you might try, “I am feeling fear.” That subtle difference creates space. The fear becomes something you are experiencing—not something you are.
Let Fear Move Through You
Fear after a breast cancer diagnosis often comes in waves. It rises, peaks, and eventually softens. When you allow it, it moves.
On the other side of that wave, many women discover strength they did not know they had. They gather information. They build support. They clarify priorities. They deepen relationships.
This does not mean cancer is a gift. It simply means fear and resilience can coexist.
If you are experiencing fear after a breast cancer diagnosis, you are not doing anything wrong. You are not making yourself sicker. You are being human.
Instead of fearing your fear, try allowing it. Let it move. Healing does not require emotional perfection. It requires honesty.
Right Human Relations: The Spiritual Path to Healing
Why Right Human Relations Matter
The effort to establish right human relations is not optional; rather, it is essential for integrating personality and soul. When harmony is missing in our relationships, it is often the result of selfishness or emotional reactivity. Consequently, conflict becomes a powerful teacher.
In fact, our relationships are often our greatest spiritual classroom.
Although disharmony is painful, it is also instructive. Brain imaging studies demonstrate that emotional pain activates the same regions as physical pain. Therefore, when relationships fracture, the suffering feels very real. Moreover, when we are the cause of that disharmony, feelings of shame or guilt intensify the experience.
Eventually, most of us reach a turning point and realize: something must change.
From Victimhood to Responsibility
At that point, the real work begins. Specifically, it requires a complete shift in orientation — away from seeing ourselves as victims and toward recognizing ourselves as creators.
Instead of asking, “Why did this happen to me?” we begin asking, “What is this teaching me?”
As a result, perspective-taking becomes possible. We practice empathy. We also begin to recognize that when emotions flare, they are often touching an old wound within us rather than reflecting the true intention of the other person.
Therefore, self-compassion becomes essential. Rather than attacking ourselves internally, we learn to befriend the parts of us that are hurting. Gradually, inner conflict softens, and integration begins.
Detachment and Right Speech
As we continue this process, we practice detachment. In other words, we stop assuming we know what others are thinking or feeling. Instead, we slow down.
At the same time, we begin cultivating Right Speech. By choosing words carefully, emotional reactivity decreases. Consequently, our relationships begin to shift.
With greater harmony comes greater spaciousness. Furthermore, when spaciousness increases, harmlessness becomes possible. The body relaxes. Health improves. In turn, personality and soul align more fully.
The Role of Spiritual Practice
When we consciously commit to a spiritual path, change unfolds gradually but profoundly. Old emotional reactions lose their grip. Underlying assumptions begin to dissolve.
Importantly, the intention to bring more spirituality into our lives invites light, love, and goodwill. Meditation, therefore, becomes a foundational practice. Whether rooted in mindfulness, devotion, or contemplative prayer, the path ultimately converges toward inclusiveness.
As this inclusiveness grows, judgment decreases. Rather than insisting that “my way is the only way,” we seek understanding. Even when we disagree, we remain curious.
Bringing Right Human Relations Home
However, spiritual insight must translate into daily behavior. Mystical experience means little if it does not soften our tone with our children or temper our words with our partners.
Therefore, true right human relations begin at home.
When we forgive ourselves, we naturally extend forgiveness to others. When we cultivate peace internally, we exude it externally. As a result, criticism no longer triggers defensiveness. Instead, it invites reflection.
Ultimately, the practice of right human relations transforms both our inner world and our outer life. Having sought the Light, we begin to reflect it. And in doing so, we become agents of harmony in a world that deeply needs it.
Forgiveness as an Act of Wellbeing: Why and How to Let Go
“To err is human; to forgive is divine.” Over the centuries, humans naturally respond with bitterness when someone or something violates a sense of right and wrong. Pain can harden our hearts, make us hold grudges, blame others—or even ourselves—and sometimes foster thoughts of revenge. Yet holding on ultimately harms us more than anyone else. Forgiveness, while challenging, is a powerful act for personal and collective wellbeing.
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the deliberate, conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward someone who has harmed you. It may include positive thoughts, feelings, or intentions toward the offender — even if they do not deserve it. Forgiveness can foster compassion, empathy, and peace of mind. It differs from reconciliation, which requires ongoing interaction, though reconciliation can be part of the process.
Why Forgiveness Matters
Since the 1990s, research in positive psychology has highlighted the benefits of forgiveness. Studies show that forgiving reduces stress, anger, depression, and anxiety. Those who forgive experience better overall health, including lower blood pressure and improved cardiovascular outcomes. They also report stronger social connections, improved relationships, and greater marital satisfaction.
Conversely, lingering resentment, guilt, and anger can increase stress hormones, raise blood pressure, and perpetuate negative thinking, adding layers of suffering to the original offense.
Why Forgiveness is Hard
Despite its benefits, forgiveness is rarely easy. Common obstacles include:
Pushing the River: Forgiving too soon can bypass natural emotional processing. Allow yourself to feel the full impact of the offense before moving toward forgiveness.
Don’t Let Them Win: Some fear that forgiving excuses the offender. It’s important to honor the harm done without condoning it.
To Forgive is Not to Forget: Forgiveness does not erase the past or deny the right to justice.
Self-Sabotage: The hardest person to forgive may be yourself. Unrealistic standards, guilt, or attempting to control the past can keep you stuck.
Steps to Forgiveness
Experts suggest adopting forgiveness for your own wellbeing as much as for others. Here are practical steps to guide the process:
1. Name the Offense and Express Your Feelings
Acknowledge the harm and its impact on you. Expressing your emotions safely moves energy and helps prevent feeling stuck.
2. Reflect on the Why
Consider lessons or patterns from the experience. What can you learn about yourself, others, or life? Finding your “why” can reveal hidden insights.
3. Rebuild Your Resources
Strengthen your support system, skills, and sense of safety. This foundation helps you approach forgiveness from a place of clarity and confidence.
4. Freely Choose to Forgive
Forgiveness requires deliberate choice and willingness to let go of resentment. This signals the end of internal conflict and the beginning of personal peace. Seeking guidance from spiritual or moral mentors can help with deeply challenging situations.
Tips and Considerations
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Not all situations require forgiveness. In cases where it could cause further harm, walking away may be a safer alternative.
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Explore energy psychology methods to remove blocks to forgiveness.
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Enhance your kindness and compassion through reflective practices.
Forgiveness is a journey, not a single act. Practicing it can free your mind, lighten your heart, and promote lasting wellbeing.
Trauma-Informed Mindfulness Practices for Chronic Illness
Living with a chronic illness is often an invisible battle, encompassing not only physical symptoms but also emotional and psychological stress. For many, this ongoing struggle can trigger or amplify trauma responses—heightened anxiety, hypervigilance, or a sense of helplessness. Traditional approaches to mindfulness can be incredibly beneficial, but for individuals with a history of trauma, standard mindfulness exercises may sometimes feel overwhelming or even retraumatizing. This is where trauma-informed mindfulness comes into play.
Understanding Trauma-Informed Mindfulness
Trauma-informed mindfulness acknowledges that past traumatic experiences can shape the way we perceive our bodies, our safety, and our ability to cope. Instead of pushing for deep relaxation or intense self-awareness—which might trigger flashbacks or anxiety—this approach emphasizes safety, choice, and self-compassion. It provides a supportive framework for individuals with chronic illness to engage with mindfulness in ways that feel manageable and empowering.
1. Grounding Practices for Safety and Stability
Grounding exercises help anchor the mind in the present moment, reducing dissociation and panic. For someone living with chronic illness, these techniques can also bring a sense of control amidst unpredictable symptoms. Simple grounding methods include:
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5-4-3-2-1 Senses Exercise: Identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This exercise draws attention outward, gently guiding the mind away from internal distress.
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Physical Anchors: Holding a comforting object, placing hands on the body, or pressing feet into the floor can create a tangible sense of connection to the present moment.
2. Gentle, Body-Respecting Mindfulness
Chronic illness often comes with pain, fatigue, or limited mobility. Trauma-informed mindfulness encourages a gentle, exploratory approach to body awareness rather than forcing attention or seeking “perfect” relaxation. Practices might include:
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Body Scan with Choice: Instead of scanning every part of the body systematically, allow yourself to notice areas of comfort first. Skip or briefly acknowledge areas of pain without judgment.
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Mindful Breathing with Micro-Pauses: Take small, manageable breaths, noticing the rhythm without pressure. If a deep breath feels triggering, simply observe the rise and fall of the chest or shoulders.
3. Emotion-Focused Mindfulness
Chronic illness often brings complex emotions—grief, frustration, anger, and fear. Trauma-informed mindfulness invites acknowledgment without judgment. Some strategies include:
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Name and Note Emotions: Quietly labeling feelings (“I notice anxiety”) can create distance and reduce overwhelm.
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Compassionate Self-Talk: Speak to yourself as you would to a friend. Validate the difficulty of chronic illness and trauma without rushing to “fix” the experience.
4. Creating a Safe Mindfulness Environment
Safety is paramount. Choose a space where you feel comfortable, and consider:
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Time Limits: Short, manageable sessions (1–5 minutes) can prevent overwhelm.
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Supportive Tools: Soft music, weighted blankets, or guided mindfulness recordings designed for trauma survivors can enhance comfort.
5. Integrating Mindfulness into Daily Life
Trauma-informed mindfulness is not about achieving a “blank mind” or perfect stillness. It’s about integrating mindful awareness into daily routines, making life with chronic illness more navigable. Practices such as mindful walking around the home, savoring a cup of tea, or noticing natural light can cultivate small but meaningful moments of presence and ease.
Final Thoughts
Living with chronic illness can intensify stress and trauma responses, but mindfulness—when approached with care and trauma-awareness—offers a powerful tool for self-regulation, resilience, and compassion. By emphasizing safety, choice, and gentle exploration, trauma-informed mindfulness allows individuals to connect with their bodies and minds in ways that nurture healing, rather than exacerbate distress.
Mindfulness for Sleep: Simple Techniques for Restful Nights
Struggling to get a good night’s sleep is a common challenge, especially for people living with chronic illness, stress, or anxiety. Poor sleep affects mood, energy, and overall health, making it even harder to manage daily responsibilities. Mindfulness for sleep offers practical strategies to calm the mind, relax the body, and prepare for restorative rest. By incorporating simple mindfulness techniques into your bedtime routine, you can improve both the quality and duration of your sleep.
Why Sleep Can Be Difficult
Many factors can disrupt sleep: racing thoughts, physical discomfort, chronic pain, or stress about the next day. When your mind remains active at night, it triggers the body’s stress response, making it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep. Mindfulness practices help break this cycle by encouraging awareness of the present moment and letting go of worries that keep your brain “on alert.”
1. Practice a Body Scan
A body scan is a foundational mindfulness technique for sleep. Start by lying comfortably in bed and slowly bring your attention to different parts of your body, from head to toe. Notice areas of tension, discomfort, or warmth without judgment, and imagine them softening with each exhale. This practice not only relaxes your muscles but also shifts focus away from racing thoughts.
2. Focus on Your Breath
Breathing exercises are a simple and powerful tool to prepare your mind and body for sleep. Try deep belly breathing: inhale slowly through your nose for four counts, hold for two, and exhale gently through your mouth for six counts. Repeat this cycle several times. Concentrating on your breath encourages the parasympathetic nervous system to activate, signaling your body that it’s time to rest.
3. Use Guided Sleep Meditation
Guided sleep meditations can be especially helpful for those who struggle with a busy mind. These recordings typically combine soothing voice instructions with calming music or natural sounds. By following along, you can gently release tension, reduce anxiety, and create a consistent bedtime ritual that signals your brain it’s time to wind down.
4. Incorporate Mindful Journaling
Sometimes thoughts racing at night keep sleep out of reach. A brief mindful journaling session before bed allows you to release worries or to-do lists onto paper, rather than carrying them into sleep. Focus on writing without judgment—simply note thoughts, feelings, or gratitude reflections. This practice creates mental space for relaxation and reduces rumination.
5. Create a Consistent Sleep Routine
Mindfulness for sleep works best when paired with regular sleep habits. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day, limiting screen time before bed, and creating a calm, dimly lit environment all support the body’s natural sleep-wake cycle. Mindfulness techniques can then enhance these habits by helping your mind and body relax more fully.
Final Thoughts
Restful sleep is essential for emotional well-being, physical health, and managing chronic conditions. Incorporating mindfulness for sleep—through body scans, breathwork, guided meditations, and journaling—can help you overcome insomnia and wake feeling more refreshed. Small, consistent practices each night can make a big difference in improving sleep quality and overall quality of life.
Living with Chronic Illness: How a Therapist Can Help
Living with chronic illness affects more than just the body—it impacts emotions, relationships, and daily life. While medical treatment is essential, therapy offers an equally important layer of support for those living with chronic illness. Working with a therapist can help you process emotions, reduce stress, and discover tools to navigate the challenges of long-term health conditions.
The Emotional Impact of Chronic Illness
Receiving a diagnosis or coping with ongoing symptoms can bring a flood of emotions—fear, sadness, anger, or even grief for the life you once knew. These feelings are normal but can become overwhelming if left unaddressed. Therapy provides a safe space to explore and process these emotions, making it easier to find acceptance and balance as you adjust to your new reality.
Reducing Stress and Anxiety
Chronic illness often comes with uncertainty—about flare-ups, treatment side effects, or the future. This uncertainty can fuel stress and anxiety, which in turn may worsen physical symptoms. Therapists trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, or relaxation techniques can teach practical strategies to quiet anxious thoughts, lower stress levels, and create a greater sense of calm in daily life.
Coping with Daily Changes and Limitations
Living with chronic illness frequently requires changes to routines, work responsibilities, and social activities. These adjustments can feel frustrating or isolating. Therapy can help you identify practical coping strategies for managing these shifts while also addressing the emotional weight of feeling limited. A therapist can work with you to create realistic goals and explore new ways to stay connected with the activities and people that matter most.
Strengthening Relationships and Communication
Chronic illness doesn’t just affect the person diagnosed—it also impacts their loved ones. Family and friends may struggle to understand the challenges you face, which can lead to tension or feelings of isolation. Therapy supports better communication, helping you clearly express your needs, set boundaries, and strengthen your support system. Couples or family counseling may also be helpful for fostering empathy and teamwork in navigating illness together.
Building Resilience and Hope
Perhaps one of the greatest benefits of therapy is the ability to build resilience in the face of ongoing health challenges. A therapist can help you recognize your strengths, develop self-compassion, and focus on what you can control. By reconnecting with meaning and hope, therapy supports a mindset that allows you not just to survive with chronic illness, but to continue living a fulfilling and purposeful life.
Final Thoughts: Therapy as a Partner in Healing
Medical care addresses the body, but therapy supports the whole person living with chronic illness. From processing emotions to improving relationships and building resilience, a therapist can be a powerful partner in your healing journey. If you or someone you love is living with a chronic condition, therapy can provide the guidance, support, and encouragement needed to navigate life with greater balance and strength.
Meditation and gut health. What doo doo you know?
The open access journal General Psychiatry published a study, Alteration of fecal microbiota balance related to long-term deep meditation. Ying Sun and colleagues examined the feces of long-term, deep meditating monks and compared it to their lay neighbors to determine the link between meditation and gut health. They found the monks had a significantly higher levels of important gut bacteria that are linked to emotional wellbeing. The findings suggest that meditation improves GI health.
The theory
The researchers caught scent of the fact that meditation leads to a plethora of benefits. It can help address issues like depression and anxiety. They also knew that the gut-brain axis, through gut microbiota, holds a key to emotional wellbeing. They wondered if the gut microbiome of long-term deep meditators – in this case, Tibetan Buddhist monks – would be significantly different in beneficial gut bacteria compared to their lay neighbors. So, they set out to examine two sets of number two to see what the differences were.
The study setup
Researchers collected 128 stool samples but excluded those of people who were taking antibiotics or consuming yogurt (because of pre and probiotic qualities) and eliminated a few poor-quality samples. They were left with 56 samples.
There were not many laypeople in the area, so the sample was skewed toward monks, with 19 laypeople and 37 monks. The monks in the study practiced meditation for two hours a day, from three to 30 years. All participants matched for age, and all were men.
The diet of laypeople and monks was essentially the same. Are you curious about the diet of Buddhist monks? I was! Apparently, they eat barley, rice, and steamed bread and noodles. This staple is supplemented with vegetables, meat, and butter tea (I had to look that up – here it is).
In addition to stool samples, researchers took blood samples. Shanghai Jiao Tong University School of Medicine analyzed the gut microbiota using rRNA sequencing. Charts within the report show the spectrum of bacteria found.
Here’s the scoop:
The intestinal microbiota of the meditation group differed significantly from the control group. The monks had more of bacteria that, according to other studies, mediate mental illness. These include:
- Prevotella, which is more abundant in healthy controls than in people with depression; moreover, children with autism have low levels of it.
- Bacteroides, which impacts the brain reward response and reduces binge eating and anxiety.
- Megamonas, linked to many psychocognitive factors.
- Faecalibacterium; people with anxiety have lower levels of it than healthy controls.
In addition, monks had more glycans, which reduce intestinal inflammation.
Moreover, the blood draws showed that the monks had lower levels of cholesterol and apolipoprotein B, putting them at lower risk for cardiovascular disease and improving immune function.
That definitely doesn’t stink.
We have known for years that meditation leads to improved mental health. The present study examines a potential causal pathway. The gut microbiome of long-term, deep meditating monks contained more of the bacteria that correlate with better mental health.
Now that gives us something to meditate on!
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Author: Sarah Murphy, LPC, NCC, is a licensed and nationally certified professional counselor. She specializes in energy psychology, including EFT, as well as mindfulness and meditation. Sarah works with individuals seeking to find peace within themselves, people who have serious medical diagnoses, and couples who want to resolve conflict and live in harmony. Sarah is an ACEP Board member and chair of its communications committee; she has a private practice and serves as staff therapist with Unite for HER.