A Sense of Belonging at the Super Bowl
This Sunday, almost 100 million people will tune in to watch the Super Bowl. Many will have too much to drink. Almost all will have too much to eat. Presumably, about half will be disappointed in the result. All will have the chance to feel a sense of belonging.
Most of the time, we watch with others who support the same team. This brings us a sense of connection and camaraderie. And woe to…
The words we speak
Our words affect our feelings, and create our lives....
Words have power
The words we speak create the context and template for our lives. Our words have a lot of power, so it is important to use them with care. When we are precise with our words and avoid dramatic emotional language, our emotions calm down and life becomes smoother.
I am a therapist, so I have plenty of opportunities…
Why Get Counseling?
Getting therapy isn't just good for you. It's good for the people in your life.
I'm a therapist, so maybe I'm biased. From my perspective, there are benefits of counseling that are important, not just for the one getting counseling, but for everyone in their lives. Therapy is the opposite of self-indulgent. It is actually a win-win; it is pro-social. This is because of the effect we have…
Relationship help: how to stop fighting
Sometimes we get upset ― really, really, upset ― with our partner. The person who knows us best can push our buttons, after all. This can be destructive and leave us wondering how to stop fighting.
When we are upset, we are in no shape to problem-solve or communicate anything remotely worth communicating. But often communicating seems urgent. It is much, much better to learn to recognize what…
Aging and Air Heads: A Tale of Personal Growth
Kids and Candy
My sons are mostly grown now; this year I'll have three in college. (Gulp).
When they were little, they were adorable. You can ask anyone who knew them. I was the luckiest mom ever. I tried to be a good and honorable one. I strove to feed them well and limit their TV time, read bedtime stories, and give them opportunities to help around the house.
We were happy.
One day,…
Relationship help: Someone pushing your buttons?
Have you ever wondered what to do when someone is pushing your buttons? Consider thanking them. This is because when someone is pushing our buttons, we are learning where those buttons are. Now we can begin to uninstall them. And in our romantic relationships, this can be a step toward repairing attachment wounds, which I wrote about last week.
Often my clients come into the office very upset…
Relationship help: Understanding attachment
I am noticing a trend: more people seem to be reading and commenting on my articles about healing from a breakup than the ones on improving our relationships. In many ways this makes sense; crisis brings us to search for help and for answers. After all, this is how we grow. But it is also a concern. Our divorce rates continue to hover around the 50% mark, and the rates are even higher for second…
You are an energy field: a key to understanding and healing trauma
"Everything is energy" is an aphorism; what does this mean, practically, for you, for us, and for our emotional and physical wellbeing? The body is an energy field. You are an energy field. This holds the key to understanding our experience, and the key to understanding and healing trauma.
The good.Most of your charge seems to come from the heart, which generates 60 to 1000 times more energy than…
Healing Trauma
Many of my clients have experienced trauma, whether it is losing a loved one, getting divorced, or being diagnosed with a serious illness. Traumatic experiences are part-and-parcel of our human experience. They can be the defining moments of our lives, and how we deal with them - or don't - has a tremendous impact on what happens next. We used to think that PTSD was "incurable;" now we know that…
The stages of grief over a breakup
The loss of a significant relationship throws us inelegantly into a deep grieving process. The stages of grief over a breakup are sometimes thought of as unfolding in a neat, linear progression, with one step following after the other to their inevitable conclusion of acceptance.
That's not how it works. Grieving is messy. Its stages are circular, not linear, as we move back and forth among…