Our words affect our feelings and shape our lives.
Words Have Power
The words we speak create the context and template for our experiences. Using precise, clear language—rather than dramatic or emotionally charged language—helps our emotions calm down, making life feel smoother and more manageable.
As a therapist, I hear a lot about how people talk to themselves and about themselves. As a human being, I do the same! And from both perspectives, I can tell you: words matter.
Notice the Emotional Weight
Think about these phrases:
-
This is awful.
-
I can’t handle it.
-
You make me furious.
-
This is unbearable.
-
I will never get over this.
-
I’m sick of it.
-
I’m tired of it.
-
I can’t take it anymore.
-
There’s something wrong with you.
-
There’s something wrong with me.
All of these carry heavy emotional weight. They can pin us under our feelings, keeping us trapped in stress, anxiety, or grief.
We all experience uncomfortable emotions—loss, heartache, setbacks. This is part of being human. But we can approach these experiences with acceptance and grace by stripping away dramatic emotional language, leaving just the situation itself.
Words Work Magic
The magic happens when we identify our feelings and acknowledge that the feeling is ours. Simple, precise language allows us to accept what is, rather than resisting it.
Culturally, we tend to resist discomfort. When we suffer, we often tell ourselves something is “wrong” or “unfair.” But everything is temporary: people die, relationships end, careers shift. Accepting the impermanence of life helps us navigate emotional discomfort with more ease.
Words in Action
A client once said of her breakup:
“I was such a mess, I drove away the one person I loved most; now he is repulsed by me.”
Ouch. That language carries intense emotional weight.
I suggested a different approach:
-
“He broke up with me.”
-
“The pressure of a long-distance relationship took a toll on me and on him.”
This reframing doesn’t change the reality of the breakup, but it removes the heavy emotional language and allows space for acceptance, compassion, and perspective. She felt a little better and even smiled.
Words in Practice
When we use emotionally charged language, it’s easy to feel trapped by our feelings. By using clear, precise language to describe a situation, we regain some of our power. It doesn’t change the facts—but it changes how we experience them. And often, that’s the most impactful change we can make.